It's amazing to me how much I care about a cat I have only known since Sunday. I love him. I stay up at night because I'm honored that he trusts me/us enough to sleep on my arm. I don't want to miss it. Last night, he was curled up next to me, head on my arm, purring. It was so cute. And then he stopped purring and I couldn't feel him breathing. A million things went through my head in an instant, mostly worry and fear. I quickly, but gently, placed my hand on his tummy and felt it move before he started purring again from my touch.
I love him! He's like my baby.
I hate when people can't understand how an animal can mean so much to a person. I hate when people think that animals can't truly love you. I've had pets all my life, and I can promise you that they do love you. The look on her face when you come home from a week-long vacation is proof enough, let alone the purring and kneading. The yearning to cuddle and lick and just be with you.
And I can promise you after just a few days of knowing and taking care of my new kitty, that I love him like he's a part of my family. Because he is.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Monday, July 25, 2011
Friday, July 22, 2011
Saturday, July 16, 2011
emotional
Am very emotional today. Made myself whole wheat pancakes, which cook very differently on a gas stove compared to electric. Then watched movie trailers on imdb.com. Cried at Harry Potter, Breaking Dawn Part 1, Winnie the Pooh, a different Harry Potter trailer, and a love documentary (I think called Love Etc.).
Was very emotional last night. Cried when alone in my apartment for the first time. Cried when my husband said he might see HP with his new school friends. Cried when I went to bed, all alone.
I don't want to go to work today. Or for the four days after that. Will have no one to come home to.
Was very emotional last night. Cried when alone in my apartment for the first time. Cried when my husband said he might see HP with his new school friends. Cried when I went to bed, all alone.
I don't want to go to work today. Or for the four days after that. Will have no one to come home to.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
hmm
It's funny how much energy is taken out of you when you hate your job. But in a society where a job is your main source of identity, hating your job is like hating yourself.
I miss the person I was before I started working at Bread Hell. I used to be friendlier and less cuss-faced all the time.
I miss the person I was before I started working at Bread Hell. I used to be friendlier and less cuss-faced all the time.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
an update.
Ben and I just recorded our first podcast. Maybe I should preface by saying that Ben and I are going to start doing a podcast. It's going to be a way for us to chronicle our lives and us trying to find our way, etc. We want to feature local bands and artists as much as we can. Well... as long as it can be audio. Ha. As stated before, we recorded our first one. Yay!
I think that that is what is going to keep us strong as a couple... doing creative things like that together. :)
Today we also went to PetCo with Mandy. We looked at gerbils and mice for her and Ben and I got two fishies. Just goldfish, but fantails. One is regular gold/orange and one is calico. They are super cute. The gold one is named Sunfire and the calico is named Squid.
Our apartment is basically done. There is one box that is not unpacked, and it is full of weddingish stuff, so I don't feel like doing it. I think everything else has a home! And it is starting to feel like a home now.
Tomorrow I start working again. So thrilled. Not. I love not working. I love lazily waking up in the morning, eating a bowl of cereal, watching the weather on TV, snuggling with my Benny... not a care in the world. Now that I think of it, I'll still be able to do that... except I'll have the shadow of impending work over my head. Boo.
But, I am hoping that since I'm in a new place, with new people, new customers, etc. that I won't be immediately returned to my prior state of hate. When I left Bread Co, I seriously hated my job, which made me hate my life a little bit.
Regardless, I still want to find a new job. One that will use my skills, or at least address the fact that I would like to not be working in food. Now that I have internet at home, it will be easier to start my search. I felt a little weird trying to search for a job while using internet from my future employer.
Aaaaaaaaaaaand I also applied to the Y to be a swim instructor. I'm not sure that I'll get the job because they were looking for lifeguards/swim instructors. But we're going to need the extra income, I think. Being an adult is damn expensive. We'll need the extra income until I find a big-girl job! Thinking positively. The job listing only said two days a week from 7-11 am anyway, so that's not too bad. But... we'll see.
I've been struggling with direction again, or still. I don't know what I want to do. Something creative. Something useful. Not making sandwiches. Alas, sandwiches! Woe is me!
I think that that is what is going to keep us strong as a couple... doing creative things like that together. :)
Today we also went to PetCo with Mandy. We looked at gerbils and mice for her and Ben and I got two fishies. Just goldfish, but fantails. One is regular gold/orange and one is calico. They are super cute. The gold one is named Sunfire and the calico is named Squid.
Our apartment is basically done. There is one box that is not unpacked, and it is full of weddingish stuff, so I don't feel like doing it. I think everything else has a home! And it is starting to feel like a home now.
Tomorrow I start working again. So thrilled. Not. I love not working. I love lazily waking up in the morning, eating a bowl of cereal, watching the weather on TV, snuggling with my Benny... not a care in the world. Now that I think of it, I'll still be able to do that... except I'll have the shadow of impending work over my head. Boo.
But, I am hoping that since I'm in a new place, with new people, new customers, etc. that I won't be immediately returned to my prior state of hate. When I left Bread Co, I seriously hated my job, which made me hate my life a little bit.
Regardless, I still want to find a new job. One that will use my skills, or at least address the fact that I would like to not be working in food. Now that I have internet at home, it will be easier to start my search. I felt a little weird trying to search for a job while using internet from my future employer.
Aaaaaaaaaaaand I also applied to the Y to be a swim instructor. I'm not sure that I'll get the job because they were looking for lifeguards/swim instructors. But we're going to need the extra income, I think. Being an adult is damn expensive. We'll need the extra income until I find a big-girl job! Thinking positively. The job listing only said two days a week from 7-11 am anyway, so that's not too bad. But... we'll see.
I've been struggling with direction again, or still. I don't know what I want to do. Something creative. Something useful. Not making sandwiches. Alas, sandwiches! Woe is me!
Monday, July 4, 2011
MN
In Minnesota, they are destroying the land. Logging, mining, etc. I have no real right to care- I'm not a citizen of Minnesota, I don't own anything in Minnesota. But I've spent a week of my life there almost every summer since I was like 6. This year's trip was depressing. Whole stretches of forests have been cleared, leaving only a few scrawny trees. "More than they used to leave..." Dad and Gibson kept saying. This forest has already been destroyed by man once. And before it could regrow into its past glory, it is being destroyed again. Whole other stretches are marked for death, yellow or orange ribbons tied to trees to save. "Payment Unit" signs hung on the outskirts. National Forest land. The government selling its soul because they are so broke. And broken.
It's disgusting.
And mining. The land in Minnesota is full of shit- nickel, copper, iron, etc. The Point has made its living, as it were, on iron ore, ports built just to ship it and transport it. That's fine. Whatever. But now, foreign mining companies want to mine close to where the cabin where I've spent all these weeks of my life. That means 24 hours a day mining. Twenty-four hours a day trucks hauling. (Hauling what? Hauling ASS!) Twenty-four hours a day noise and destruction. New roads, less wildlife. It also poses the threat of poisoning the water that is around it. Something with the metals that they would be mining would cause the formation of sulfuric acid (I think) when exposed to moisture. This acid would then get into the water (in case you haven't heard, Minnesota is land of 10,000 lakes) which would kill fish and other aquatic life. So not only is it killing wildlife, it would disrupt peoples' jobs (I'm not sure how many people make a living off fishing anymore, but still...) and it would severely decline the number of visitors to the area, which would take away thousands of dollars from local businesses. And it would take away homes of people who live in the area that they are mining. So, just overall bad. Bad, bad, bad.
Okay, I'll get off my soap box.
Other than being disgusted by people's greed and lack of conservation, Minnesota was good. It was strange, being separate from my family, kept in the bedroom with Ben. But I suppose that's what marriage gives you.
The water was freezing, shocked your bones. But it was refreshing.
It's disgusting.
And mining. The land in Minnesota is full of shit- nickel, copper, iron, etc. The Point has made its living, as it were, on iron ore, ports built just to ship it and transport it. That's fine. Whatever. But now, foreign mining companies want to mine close to where the cabin where I've spent all these weeks of my life. That means 24 hours a day mining. Twenty-four hours a day trucks hauling. (Hauling what? Hauling ASS!) Twenty-four hours a day noise and destruction. New roads, less wildlife. It also poses the threat of poisoning the water that is around it. Something with the metals that they would be mining would cause the formation of sulfuric acid (I think) when exposed to moisture. This acid would then get into the water (in case you haven't heard, Minnesota is land of 10,000 lakes) which would kill fish and other aquatic life. So not only is it killing wildlife, it would disrupt peoples' jobs (I'm not sure how many people make a living off fishing anymore, but still...) and it would severely decline the number of visitors to the area, which would take away thousands of dollars from local businesses. And it would take away homes of people who live in the area that they are mining. So, just overall bad. Bad, bad, bad.
Okay, I'll get off my soap box.
Other than being disgusted by people's greed and lack of conservation, Minnesota was good. It was strange, being separate from my family, kept in the bedroom with Ben. But I suppose that's what marriage gives you.
The water was freezing, shocked your bones. But it was refreshing.
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