Friday, December 7, 2012

2013

Assuming that the world won't actually end this month, I want to look forward to the next year.

My goals for 2013:
-- Take a "sabbatical" to figure out what I want to do with my life and to figure out how to become the person I used to be.
-- Actually complete (at least) one of my creative projects.
-- Audition for a play.
-- Learn new recipes.
-- Find a job that I love and will fulfill me.
-- Paint.
-- Write everyday.
-- Start knitting again.
-- Reconnect with my old friends.
-- Make some new ones. Ones who are artists or something.
-- Free my mind from the box that it's stuck in right now.
-- Get involved in my community.
-- Go back to school, if I so choose.
-- Figure out if I actually want to go back to school, and for what.
-- Have a dinner party.
-- Start speaking up more.
-- Enjoy every moment I have with my Benjers.
-- Become better friends with my sis.
-- Travel.
-- Try to enjoy being a quarter of a century old.
-- Make more films!
-- Read more books.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

me

On Facebook I said that I missed the me I used to be.

I used to be fun, easygoing, positive, happy.

Now, I am negative. Cynical. Stressed out most of the time. Judgmental. Bitter.

But most of all, I used to be passionate about so many things. Writing, acting, music, reading, creating, cooking, doing new things, being with people, sex!

Now... I don't really feel passionate about anything. I've forgotten who I am, what makes me me. And I need to get back to that, to who I am, to what makes me the fireball of positivity and energy that I can be.

But how do I do it?

I keep blaming my job for doing it, for crushing me. And it does play a huge part. But if I quit, will that solve anything, or will I just be a poor cynical Libby? I'll have to find a new job. But where do I look? I've forgotten what I used to be so passionate about, what I used to be good at. And how do I market that to employers?

I hate this. Feeling like this. And needing to complain about it. I'm blessed to have a good-paying, steady job. To have health. To have a loving husband and kitty. But I'm so bitter. I can't appreciate it. I just want to be me again. And I'm so scared that this is me now. No going back.