On paper, I have a pretty good life. I'm getting promoted at a company that generally treats its employees and customers very well. I'm happily married. I'm more financially secure than some people. I'm healthy. Yadda yadda yadda.
But it's not the life I want.
I guess what I have to face is the fact that the life I want might not ever happen.
And don't get me wrong, this life isn't bad. It's just... not what I was hoping for.
I'm tired everyday, all the time, from working 9 or more hours on my feet, dealing with the constant stress of making everybody within a mile radius fucking happy, while serving them quickly and efficiently with not very many people to help me.
I'm too tired to do what I love to do. Instead, I come home and sit my fat ass on the couch and watch Netflix or Hulu or Youtube or surf the web, check Facebook where there is no real communication. Because that is easier than using energy to read, write, make films, cook.
I don't even want to get out of bed in the morning because I'm too tired.
And now, I'm going to be working even more, driving farther, having more responsibilities.
When will I have the time and energy for myself?
It's not that I'm ungrateful for my career or the opportunities I've been given. I'm learning a lot and growing some. It'll look good on a resume... for jobs I don't care to work.
I guess I just miss dreaming, and actually believing that those dreams have the possibility of coming true.
