one of those

Having one those moments when I think, "What am I doing with my life?"


Got a writing job. I sort of hate it. It is boring and dry and nothing I love about writing. But I suppose that is what happens when you just rewrite press releases.

Am thinking... maybe I shouldn't continue with this job. It is sucking my soul out a little, at least the part that has any free time to write. But. It is extra money. It looks good on a resume, probably.

And just because I like to write and am presumably ok at it does not mean that I have to do it for a living. I like to cook, and I don't do that for a living. Well, I guess I sort of do... :P

I need to find something that I like moderately and am good at and save my passions for my free time.

Or find a way to write the things I want to write for a living.

Or just get over it.

The thing I hate most about this writing job is that it is not flexible. I thought it would be since it is online and I can work from home. But they want you to basically act like you are in an office. You have to tell them when you won't be writing for a day. I don't want to do that. I feel like since it is online, I should be able to write when I want to write. I understand that they want the articles to be written in a timely manner. But I do not want to feel like my home is my office/prison. I want to be able to just take a fucking afternoon off to make bread if I goddamn feel like it. Is that so much to ask? NO, IT'S NOT!

But I guess I just have to get used to adulthood, where reality crushes all of your dreams and you wind up pushing paper and then babies out of your vagina to try to find happiness.

I was going to do so much when I was a kid. And now I'm doing none of it. And I don't even know what I want to do anymore.

Reality wins and the dreamer dies.