Helix

What makes a person what she is?
A mass of DNA, RNA, experiences, collective unconscious.
And what if she wants to change "who" she is?
Unravel the spirals, the memories, reform and rebuild.

So is it possible for someone to actually change? Is it possible for someone to say, "I'm going to stop being so selfish/mean/unhappy"? Or are we just stuck with who we are?

mememe

Taking another me-day. Because I deserve it.

Here's the thing... you know the Occupy movement and the whole 99% thing? And you know the people who are not the 1% but don't like the movement and post pictures with their handwritten things that say stuff like, "I'm the 99% but instead of complaining I work hard all day and don't expect handouts?" etc? Well, I don't believe that people should have to have more than one job to survive. It sucks. I don't believe that people should have to work to put themselves through college. That would suck.

I'm not claiming to know everything about the Occupy movement, but I'm pretty sure that one of their things is that it's not fair for the 99% to have to work their asses off day in and day out, just to make ends meet, just because some idiots on Wall Street fucked up our economy and shit.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that every now and then, I like to pretend that I only have one job. It makes my life a lot better. I'm sick of feeling like I need to be working alllllllllllll of the time. See my last post.

Therefore, today is a me-day. I'm not writing, I'm not making sandwiches. I'm sitting, because I just got paid to stand up for about 40 hours this week. I'm enjoying my down time.

Yahoo!

Here's some pictures from my photo shoot(s) with Brody

Here I am, Life!

Today, I'm taking a me-day. Well, more of a me-morning. I stayed in bed until I wanted to get out, not until I thought I should get up and write a few articles for work. I read some Yahoo articles. I had a photo shoot with Brody. I pampered him a little bit. I made coffee. I wrote the rent check. I have not worked. And I think that's okay.

This week is about boundaries. It's about knowing that it's more than okay for me not to work before I go to work and work when I get home from work. It's about taking time for myself, doing what I want to do, not being a slave to money. It's about loving myself and loving those in my life.

Here are things that I want to do more of:
Creative writing
Baking
Cooking
Reading
Playing the cello (which I finally did the other day!)

It's about reclaiming myself, who I want to be. It's about being the happy, spontaneous, goofy person that I used to be before employment embittered me.

--

I no longer feel the need to write,
the creative juices drained from my body
like blood from a corpse.
Where is an elixir that I can drink
to make me a sponge?

feed

My new challenge for myself is to always tell people when they are doing a good job, whether it is by filling out a comment card, tipping really well, or leaving an online review.

I know from firsthand experience that when you are trying really hard to be awesome and treat your customers so well and there's no thank-you, that it sucks. And at Panera, we ask people to fill out a survey that's at the bottom of every receipt! So it's really easy.. but people don't do it very often. They even have a chance to win $2000!

So, I've decided to leave positive feedback as often as I can.

For instance, today, I tipped my hairdresser for a free bang trim that took two minutes. And when Ben and I were travelling on Christmas Eve, we stopped at a gas station around 9 p.m. It was busy (and a holiday) but all the workers were friendly. I sent in a comment card.

You know that feeling you get when someone compliments you? That feeling of pride or surprise surging up from your depths, smacking a smile on your face? Don't you want to give that to as many people as you can?

Fear #2

My second biggest fear is developing an allergy to something that I love. I've been heard of that happening. I think that allergies that develop later in life will just suck no matter what, but especially if it was something good. Like soy. Soy is in everything. Or gluten. If I became allergic to gluten, my life might be over.

fear

I think my biggest fear is not finding what I'm best at-- that thing which defines me, sets me apart, my passion.

And what if it is something that I won't ever try or have the chance to? Like... ballet, or being a doctor, or meteorology? And then I'll never know.

But I suppose someday, I'll know what my life's passion is. And I suppose that it is already something that I know, something that I do. I just have to clear away the other things.