day off

I work six nights a week and my only day off is one of the days my husband works all day. How shitty is that?

But I love my day off. I get to catch up on a few things around the house. I get to watch a few TV shows on the interwebs. And I get to cook dinner. I love love love that part. I love making food. That is, I love actually making food, not just putting together sandwiches and salads that someone else has thought up. Tonight I made brocco mac and cheese and mashed potatoes. And it was delicious! And I served it by candle light :)

Last night, I closed bakery/register. I've only worked one time over there, and certainly never closed. But I guess it went alright. It's easy as shit.

I cleaned my fish tank today and am amazed at how clean the water is. I can't look away.

I bought vanilla wafers when I went shopping. Bad idea. I looooove them. Too much. What a simple thing to like so much... 

I think I like TV too much. It's funny, because I don't watch shows in real time. Only on the internet or via Netflix. But if I wanted to, I think I could spend a whole day just watching TV. This annoys me. I don't want to like it. But, I guess that TV has to be good, at least to someone, or else it would never get on the air or it would get cancelled after the first season or even after the first few episodes. So... good job I guess, TV people.

when the moon hits your eye

I've been craving pizza ever since I had to order some and not eat it. We needed the box for the film challenge for a scene we were filming that night. And we needed the pizza for a scene we would film later.

On Tuesday and Thursday, both days that Ben works, I toyed with the idea of ordering one. I went to Pizza Hut's website. Designed my pizza. But I didn't order it for some reason. Maybe I was too lazy to go pick it up and too cheap to have it delivered. More likely it was because I know I shouldn't be spending money blah blah blah.

Last night, I made myself a deal. I decided that if I got up early-- when Ben got up to go to work at 9-- and did some of the things I needed to do around the house, I would allow myself to splurge on a pizza. I have coupons, after all. Plus, they are having a $10 any pizza, any size, any toppings deal right now.  So, I would get up early, do some house work, write some thank yous, and get to order my pizza.

I told Ben, "Wake me up when you get up." And he did. And then he asked, "Are you sure you don't want to keep sleeping? It's so early. If I didn't have to go to work I'd sleep until 11." And dammit, that just planted the seed. Not that I'm blaming him at all, because let's face it, I would have stayed in bed anyway. But... I did get out of bed to say goodbye! And I didn't even sleep until 11. Only 10 something.

But... I didn't keep up with my end of the deal that I made with myself. :(

Fuck it. I still ordered pizza. BOO-YEAH!

thinkies

I hate when opera plays on the classical music radio station. I realize that singing operatically takes a lot of talent, but I feel like I can do a pretty spot-on impression with absolutely no opera training. It just sounds fake and goofy and I'd rather hear violins. Yes, this somewhat-cellist is saying she'd rather hear violins. VIOLINS! That's saying something.

I also hate when people take three minutes to cross the street. It's one thing if you are old. I don't mind that. But when you are young, and just taking your sweet time to hustle your bustle, I think you've probably forgotten that I'm driving a car and could crush your body with it if I was impatient enough.

Last night, I made broccoli soup. I started by making vegetable stock, so the whole soup was really homemade. Unfortunately, when I had planned to make supper be soup and grilled cheese, I didn't realize that the recipe I had was for just broccoli soup and not broccoli cheese soup. This was worrisome for me because Ben is not a huge fan of any soup, but especially not brothy soup. But I had already decided to make it, so I went ahead making stock and then soup. It turned out pretty good, and Ben liked it. He gave me a back rub for doing dishes and making supper. If only everyone were that appreciative when I gave them food!

I painted my nails last night. It's been years since I've painted my own fingernails. I didn't do too poor of a job, but it's not perfect. They are green. And then I accidentally dropped the brush and it landed on Brody's head... oops. I got most of it out with some soap and water. He wasn't too pleased, but he forgave me. And he didn't even notice the nail polish, so that's good.

Speaking of Brody, the other day when I was sure my period would be starting at any moment, I didn't feel like going into the bathroom to see if it had started yet, so I just peeked into my underwear. I looked up and Brody was sitting on the bed staring at me with wide eyes. Awkward.

I guess I "lost" my nanny job. The husband started having seizures every week and cannot travel, so the wife isn't going to travel either. I am sad about it. After his first seizure, he hadn't had one in six or seven months... I hope everything is okay. He loves his little boy a lot and I'd hate for Spencer to grow up without his daddy.

The film challenge is this weekend. It is going to be a challenge because I work every day of it. I did call off Saturday, but she accidentally gave me last Saturday off instead of this one, and then no one could work my shift. But I did get someone to cover the first three hours of it, thank God. I guess I should have just called off Friday, too. Oh well.

talkin bout my generation

I think that our generation is just better at rolling with the punches. I mean, we grew up with 9/11 (and as much as one might hate to admit it, it did affect us), we've seen the price of candy bars go from 50 cents to $1.09 (and the price of gas from I can't even remember to over $4.00), technology development and use went from little to everything, the recession was in full swing for most of us before or shortly after we entered the work force. We're a generation of an unstable world, one that hasn't stood still for a second. So while older people continue to evaluate the recession, fearing for their jobs, we evolve. We don't feel the drive to get a nine to five job. We find creative ways to make money and stick to a budget that we've never known not to stick to, and might not even be consciously aware of having. Because when you've grown up in an unstable world, you learn to wiggle with it. I think older generations need to learn from this. How many stories have I seen about someone who has been laid off and has been unemployed for several months? It's called looking for a job not in your field. Wiggle with it. It might not pay as much, but money is money, honey.


I wonder what kids now will be like when they're our age. I wonder what kids, who like the one I nanny, are constantly surrounded by technology, already know how to use an iPad at 15 months old, will be like.

this day

Today I'm feeling very good about life.
Maybe it is because
-it is a beautiful day, cold like fall, but sunny
-I have the day off
-the sky is bluuuueeee with some clouds which drift in and out, like in minecraft (ok so, this is like the first reason...)
-I have to work tomorrow, and then I get to have four days off, go to one of my past homes, see some family (only in-laws lol), and see Maggie!
-I'm not pregnant
-I'm sitting in a cafe in one of the prettiest parts of the city, in my opinion
-I'm with my husband, and soon my sister
-Minecraft updated today, a huge update we've (as in everyone who plays the game) been anxiously awaiting
-I get to use Charlie, the new computer Ben and I got, to play said updated Minecraft, which makes it even more exciting because I can play the game on "render distance far," which means that I actually get to see!!!
-I don't have to keep Charlie plugged in all the time
-I don't care about not having a plan for life, not that I cared before. But for some reason I feel really good about it today. Free. Able to do fucking anything. It's like I have the whole world in my hands. A world of possibilities. Boom.

So that's why it's a good day :)

timing

Present, past, future. The order in which I think. This is probably aided by the fact that I don't know my schedule on a week-to-week basis that far ahead of time. And because I know that I won't be working at Panera for the rest of my life (let's hope) but I don't know what's next.

But I have been thinking about "the future" lately. About what I want to do. I guess my main "problem" is that I don't want to be a literary scholar, which is a large part of what my degree prepared me for. I'd rather work in the creative parts. Creative writing or journalism, which I'm not as "well-trained" for. For which I am not as "well-trained." So... the future could include getting more training in one of those fields. Or maybe something completely different.

When I was still in high school, I entertained the thought of being a nurse. I like to help people, and what profession does so more than nursing? So... I might go back to school to be a nurse. Someday. Probably when Ben is done with his masters. Complete change...

And I still wonder if I wasted my money going to college. I know that I got a lot of good experiences from it. Friends, plays, band, intellectual growth, etc. But I am at the exact same point as I would have been if I had gone straight from high school into the work force. Except poorer, having spent all that money on my education and not earning any, save for a few meager dollars in the summer months. And more jaded, knowing that I could be, and should be, doing much, much more with my life. And more enriched from higher education, yes, but that plays into the poorer and jaded parts.

But... you know, for all the complaining I do, I'm not that unhappy. In fact, the only time I feel unhappy is when it's really busy at work when it shouldn't be, like at 3:00 pm- it just shouldn't be busy in between lunch and dinner. I don't know why it makes me so angry, but it does. Or like 10 minutes before close. That's just inconsiderate. Especially if you are ordering a lot of food and planning on eating it inside the restaurant. But other than that, I like my life a lot. I get days off in the middle of the week, which is super nice because everyone else is working! I don't have any serious commitment to my job, other than the fact that I want to keep it for the moneys, so I don't take my work home with me that much. I come home to loving husband. I live close to my sister. I have plenty of things to occupy my free time, although sometimes I forget that. And etc.

smh...

Sometimes I think the worst thing about working in the food service industry is seeing how much food people waste. They just leave half a salad uneaten on their table and leave. Can't even bother to throw it away themselves.

But today, it was worse. Some lady ordered a you-pick-two with a Caesar salad and chicken noodle soup. A few minutes later, she comes up and says that she needs to exchange it because she doesn't like it. Last I checked, restaurants sort of have a no return policy. But of course, I have to do what she asks. Plus the cashier told her to tell me to do it. This bothers me a lot because A) it is such a simple meal- not a lot of flavor or at least not a lot of unexpected and/or strange ones; B) she chose to order it, how can she not like it; C) how can she not feel guilty about wasting an entire meal (seriously, like one bite missing) when so many people in the world, and even this city, can't afford to eat every day, let alone at Panera? And okay, what do I expect her to do? She just spent at least 7 dollars on food she doesn't like. But, can't you just suffer through the meal and know for next time not to order that? It's not like the food is bad. Nothing we serve is disgusting. It's all eatable. Or edible, whatever. Or hell, she could have just exchanged half of it, replacing either the salad or the soup, instead of both! Does it make me a bad person to judge this woman? Maybe. But... just saying from the numerous people who search for food in our dumpsters, she's being a little.... self-centered.